Thursday, 15 December 2016

After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity by Meryn G. Callander

The author, Meryn G Callander, wrote After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity not only as a woman who had been betrayed but one who had also betrayed.

She combines her own experience with that of several brave women who were prepared to be interviewed on the subject.

One important aspect she deals with is the impact an affair can have on other family members particularly children. This is something both the betrayer and betrayed can forget if they are too caught up in their own desires and hurt.

Meryn Callander does not simply share stories of infidelity she includes sound coping mechanisms that help women move on with their lives and that can strengthen a marriage avoiding future infidelity. It is also relevant to women who are still carrying the hurt of an affair many years after it has happened.

I often find self-help books contain such a wide range of information I battle to get through what I need and what I don’t. In After His Affair Ms Callander includes a Chapter Synopsis at the beginning making it easy for the reader to go straight to the section or sections most relevant to their own situation.

Another tendency that annoys me in self-help books is the cold and indifferent approach to the subject without demonstrating understanding of associated emotional problems. This is not the case with After His Affair. It is beautifully and sensitively written without dumping guilt on the reader.

My rating 4*

This review is also on my website

The discovery of your partner's cheating shatters the very core of your being. It's difficult to value and to allow our grieving, our anger, our rage, even our shame, the time and space to move us into a deeper life. We're supposed to just get over it, and move on.

Anger is not nice, causes trouble, and grieving is a bummer. Yet it is natural and healthy to feel angry when violated, and to grieve our disappointments and our losses. Virtually every one of us has been, or will be, in some way touched by infidelity. Why is this happening? How can we make good of these experiences in our individual lives? And how might we avoid--or heal from--the trauma of infidelity in our own relationships?

Callander writes as a woman who has both betrayed and been betrayed. The voices of other women who have travelled this road join her in this unique and intimate exploration of the many faces of infidelity. Polls show that around 85% of people believe infidelity is wrong. More than 90% of married individuals do not approve of extramarital sex, and yet almost half admit to having had an affair. What drives this dichotomy between what we say we should do and what we do?

This book offers understanding and new perspectives for reflection, dialogue, hope and healing.

About the Author
Meryn Callander was born in Portland, Australia, in 1952. She graduated from Monash University, Melbourne, with degrees in both economics and social work. At 25, she quit her position working with children in crisis, feeling she was doing little but applying Band-Aids to gaping wounds. Searching for that illusive something more, she headed to Europe, and then the U.S.

It was there she met John W. Travis, M.D., known to many as the founding father of wellness. Their marriage and professional partnership spanned almost three decades, during which time they pushed the leading edges of wellness--going well beyond the popular focus on nutrition and physical fitness, into the mental and emotional, interpersonal and spiritual dimensions of wellbeing. They co-authored several pioneering books on wellness, and facilitated seminars and retreats in the U.S. and internationally.

In 1993, Meryn became a mother. After decades of working in adult wellness, she gleaned a whole new appreciation of how profoundly our early years impact the wellbeing of the adults we become. Why Dads Leave: Insights and Resources for When Partners Become Parents ( grew out of their journey through the early years of parenting. While John stayed well beyond the challenges of those early years, their experiences compelled her to identify the dynamics underlying the epidemic of men leaving their families--physically or emotionally--soon after the birth of a child, and how couples can grow together rather than apart. The book offers insights and practical ways of preventing the devastating impact of this dynamic.

Her latest book, After His Affair: Women Rising from the Ashes of Infidelity is a reflection of her concern at the escalating rates of infidelity and the devastation that is left in its wake. How can we, as women, make good of our heartbreak? And how might we avoid--or heal from--the trauma of infidelity?

Meryn is a counselor, spiritual intuitive, and akashic reader.